Today we have a lot of marshmallow treats and a special surprise at the end. (It’s a sandwich in a can.) Stay tuned.
I’m freshly back from a trip to Honduras. I had a fun time and saw some amazing things, but I also stopped in a supermarket before coming back and picked up a couple interesting items.
First, let me introduce you to this guy. I don’t know his name, because the geniuses behind the design put everything important under the twist tie.
So… to see what it is I have to open it, and to open it I have to buy it?
Hello there, Mini Paleta Payaso. Google tells me that your name means “Mini Redneck Clown”.
Alright. That’s weird.
Oh no. This is not right. This gets the lowest score possible for accuracy in packaging depiction.
It’s a chocolate covered marshmallow on a stick. With gummy eyes and a mouth.
And it tastes like…
A chocolate covered marshmallow on a stick. Except the chocolate is pretty much made entirely of brown wax.
Well, it looked weird.
Here’s another candy-like item from Honduras.
A Bubu Lubu bar. Strawberry flavor.
Here we see the illustration of the bar ripping out of the package. I’m guessing chocolate covered marshmallow again, with strawberry jam inside.
It looks less-than-appetizing, I must say.
And it tastes like you’d think it does. It’s pretty good, I guess. The chocolate in this one is much better than the Redneck Clown.
Not very interesting, I’m afraid. Oh well, I mostly bought it for the name.
Bubu Lubu. Ha.
Most of the candy I saw in Honduras was marshmallow-based. It’s pretty sad when you think about it.
And now our marshmallow excursion takes us back to the States. You can apparently buy this next one in the USA, but I don’t know why you would.
Thanks to Jennifer for sending this one my way. It’s a doozy.
[Deep breath] Animal Planet Mallow Pals Squeezable Marshmallow, Sour Apple Flavor. So many questions.
- Why Animal Planet?
- Squeezable Marshmallow?
- Is this a beverage?
- Sour Apple Marshmallow‽
- If it’s squeezable, why does it have a hard plastic base?
- Why a tiger?
- Do tigers like apples?
- Who came up with the name “Mallow Pals”‽
- How many things can one thing be at once?
Why only 10 cents?
Never mind on that last one. I can guess.
The back side answers none of my questions. Let’s crack it open for a whiff.
At first nothing, and then I squeeze it. A puff of air squirts out.
Vile. Pungent apple smell riding on a wave of something like ammonia.
I squeeze it with the force of 20 kindergarteners, and a pale green jelly flatulates out.
It soon becomes apparent that this is not candy. It is industrial strength bathtub sealant.
It tastes no different from any sour apple candy you may find at the store. The marshmallow adds nothing to the experience.
Here comes the main event! Thanks to Kevin for sending this to me.
A peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a can.
I’m pretty excited. This has the potential to be anything.
Candy inside‽ Excitement doubled.
And then the disappointments start.
Laffy Taffy is not a “candy surprise”. It’s Laffy Taffy.
Also it appears that the sandwich is packaged in a smaller package inside the can. A sandwich in plastic in a can is not as cool as a proper sandwich in a can.
And then it happens. A bigger disappointment. It’s not a sandwich at all.
It’s a sandwich kit. This is unacceptable. I feel betrayed.
Disappointment #4. Check out the size of this sandwich in relation to the can.
And they keep coming. The bread isn’t even sliced.
At this point, the Candwich ranks significantly below Lunchables in overall coolness.
Yes, yes, but what about the smell?
The bread smells like Elmer’s glue, and it’s so dry that the peanut butter all but destroys it.
I guess it kind of looks like the picture. After I made it! Jerks.
I don’t know if you can tell, but I have lost all enthusiasm for this sandwich at this point. Is it evident?
It tastes like a sandwich with really awful bread.
There’s something bothering me about the bread’s aftertaste. Struggling to find the flavor, I think “Bowling shoes” or “Wet purse”, so I think there’s a faint mildewy flavor, or maybe leather. I don’t know, it’s just not good.
Here is the only place the can hinted that it wasn’t an assembled sandwich. See it? (“peanut butter packet” and “grape jelly packet” hidden in the ingredients)
See ya sometime next week.
Check out more “Adventures in eating.“