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Liquids (Part 2)

…and we’re back.

This edition is all about those wonderful beverages found in the Asian supermarket. We’ll be looking at two varieties today.

Calamansi Juice:

I bought this because I have no idea what a “calamansi” is. It looks like an orange.

The ingredients list was not helpful in figuring it out. “Calamansi Juice, eh? Sounds delicious.”

I am thoroughly delighted by the smell. It’s like a lemon air-freshener.  This may be pretty good.

Upon pouring into the “science glass” for testing, it becomes apparent that it is not true juice. More like a juice drink. A pale, life-less juice drink.

Down the hatch. What does it taste like?

Lemon-lime Gatorade. Exactly.

It’s nothing to write home about (but apparently enough to write a blog about), except that I now know that the Philippines grow a Gatorade-flavored fruit.

It’s fine! Everybody, it’s fine!

I also eventually looked up what a calamansi is.

——–

Moving along, to the main event.

Pearl Soybean Drink with Tapioca Ball (Mung Bean Flavour):

This one scares me. Not because of the tapioca balls, I enjoy a nice bubble tea, but because of that “Mung Bean Flavour.” I don’t know what to expect.

I decide to enjoy like the serving suggestion on the can. If I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it right, dang-it.

I crack open the can and give it a good whiff. It smells like milk, honey, and hay.

I don’t quite understand how, but it also smells powdery, like calcium.

Here are some of the white flecks floating on the top. A bit odd, and you can just make out the grit collecting on the sides of the glass.

The tapioca balls are not balls. More like teardrops or corn kernels. And more surprisingly, they are not black. I guess they don’t actually expect you to drink it the way they have it pictured.

It tastes exactly how it smells. Like gritty almond milk, a bit grassy, and a touch of tin can. (Yes tin can, not aluminum, I checked it.)

I would liken the overall taste sensation to eating a juicy papaya filled with potting soil. Also there’s a nutty flavor.

The tapioca is just sitting at the bottom, and I don’t feel like getting a straw, so I decide to pour it out…

…and go back for a big swig of the tapioca only.

It’s bad. Very bad. The tapioca hasn’t absorbed any of the sweetness or creaminess, just that grassy flavor.  It’s also not at all firm like the centers of bubble tea balls. I probably swished and drank 4 or 5 mouthfuls trying to place the flavor, and all I can say for sure is “unpleasant.” I imagine this is what it’s like to eat a diced, raw snail.

Big thumbs down an all aspects, except of course, the review. Terrible products are much more fun to review than good ones.

Thanks for reading!

Then something bad happened.

My new camera fell off the tripod and the lens broke off!

Nah, I’m just kidding. That’s the old one, hence my ability to take this picture. Goodbye, old buddy!

——–

Check out more “Adventures in eating.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 23, 2012 6:54 pm

    I think in china they have edible gourds.
    Gourd juice is something I have been
    meaning to try – It is said to taste burnt
    or smokey – but I haven’t found any yet.
    Thanks for the heads up, that soy stuff
    is something I would have thought would
    be seriously good. I have an unhealthy
    obsession with soy.

  2. Briana permalink
    March 23, 2013 3:09 pm

    I was directed to your blog after I google searched a few of the more questionable items I eyeballed in my local Asian grocer in order to determine whether or not it was worth my money on my next trip. Your blog was beyond perfect; I love your descriptions, comedic, yet informative, and just thought you shuld know your posts are appreciated.

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