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Liquids (Part 1)

This edition is about a couple items I picked up at a Mexican Supermarket. First up:

Green Fresh Coconut Juice (with pulp). The suspended particles are what caught my attention. I need to know the viscosity of this beverage.

I also have a sincere love of gadgetry, so this bottlecap was too much for me to pass up. Don’t you just want to crack that baby open?

Oh yeah, check out that neutral buoyancy. That spells delicious in my playbook.

The bottle is opened and smelled. Nothing.

It smells like nothing. No coconut aroma, no island breeze, I might as well be smelling a jar of tap water.

Nothing to lose now, so I dove right in. The first flavor is woody then sweet, but not overpoweringly sweet. This is a very mellow drink. The coconut flavor is almost toasted and a touch grassy. It tastes like a liquid macaroon, but with a few pieces of banana peel thrown in.

I decided to pour it into a glass for the rest of the test.

It is thick. Not maple syrup thick, but there’s some noticeable viscosity happening here. Although the flavor is not bad, I am physically unable to drink more than a sip at a time. I tried to gulp a couple times, and my body just said “Nope.”

The coconut bits vary in texture. Some are soft like canned peaches, some are hard like balsa wood, but the vast majority are right in the middle, like little bits of cooked celery. They neither add to nor subtract from the overall flavor. It just gives my mouth something to do between sips.

In this picture, I have consumed most of it. It’s pretty good. I would not recommend it as a thirst-quencher, but it’s not bad for a dessert. I’d totally drink this again in lieu of a handful of skittles.

Next up:

Maizena. Chocolate Fortified Corn Starch Beverage. I chose this order because I thought it would be difficult to screw up something that was essentially hot chocolate. I thought that if the coconut drink was bad, I could cancel it out with this. But now I know the coconut stuff was good, and I’m beginning to have my doubts about this:

OK. Corn starch is the first ingredient. I thought it might just be a thickener. Now, I’m kind of worried.

The directions say this makes a quart. I’m not so sure I want that much, so I decide to half it.

Also, the preparation involves boiling milk. Gross. Oh well, here goes.

Here it is, all done. It smells pretty good, honestly. Like cocoa. It looks like lavender mud-water. I spoon some into a mug, and take a deep whiff.

Then my camera falls to the ground and kills itself. The lens breaks off. Damn. That was kind of the climax.

I’ll have to shoot the rest with my phone:

When I come back to my mug, It’s grown an impressive skin.

The taste… The taste is like lavender mud-water. It’s gritty and hot. I think I’d rather eat a handful of corn starch without the cocoa in it.  The directions called for me to add my own sugar, and I did, but it’s like adding sugar to a swamp. You just get a sweet swamp.

Awful. And the cooked milk stuck to my pan, I scrubbed for an hour. Maizena wins the distinction of being the worst thing I have tried in my Adventures in eating series. Congratulations, Maizena.


Meg just got back from the store and has this to report:

That’s less than a nickel each. I don’t remember the original price, but I’m pretty sure I bought it for slightly more. The word is out. This stuff is BAD!


So, this was supposed to be longer, but because I broke my camera, I split this into two parts. I’ll update the rest when I get my new camera.

Here’s a preview of part 2 (the Asian supermarket drinks):


Check out more “Adventures in eating.

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